I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
