Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
