This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
