bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
