i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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