guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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