508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
