my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
