i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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