Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
