Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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