PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just pee around me
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
