I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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