i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
