Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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