so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
