as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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