Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
