I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
