I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
