I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
