K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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