I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
