It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
