why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
