my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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