Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
