how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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