Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
