if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
