why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
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don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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