I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
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I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
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I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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