remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
