And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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