I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
