i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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