i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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