What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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