I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones