hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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