Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
