Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize