Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
