need another drink. this is the easiest way
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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