i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
