Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Boobs speak an international language.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
