I think my vagina is haunted
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I will be naked everywhere
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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