Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
