You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
