I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
