I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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