she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
