batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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