My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
