I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Sex on roller skates
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.