ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
i think i scared a bird with my dick
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.