you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
