Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
