I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
