I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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