A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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