I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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