If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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