hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
