It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
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