I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
