i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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