Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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