R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
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