My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
