just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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