so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
