Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How does one acquire holy water?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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