I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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