so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
