I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
