Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize