You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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