During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
