If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
