he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
