I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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