I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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